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MATTERS OF THE HEART: Going through heartbreak???

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I’ve always wanted to do a piece on heartbreak and how most women deal with it but never quite had the passion to pen it down until recently. A close friend of mine is going through the “biggest heartbreak of her life”as she explains and to this day she says she is still puzzled as to why her fragile heart was the one to be broken by someone she thought she would spend the rest of her life with.

Growing up, while still in highschool I always thought relationships were too “girly” for my liking and stcuk to my books. Yeah sure maybe I was naive or just tapping into my feminist character but point is I didn’t give a damn about having feelings for boys.

We come across many things in our lifetime and fear many of them especially matters of the heart …hence what I feared most was having my little heart broken. So when as I watch my friend go through hell and back, I asked myself “is love really all worth it?”. Why sacrifice half of you to be with someone who may just end up breaking you to pieces? Why can’t we just date “with no strings attached” or just be “friends with benefits” that way no feelings attached, no harm done right? Wrong!

The thing is we are human and naturally no matter how hard we may try to avoid our feelings, they come with being human…hence I don’t believe in “no strings attached”, someone will always fall and in most cases no one is there to catch them. Dealing with heartbreak as a women is the most terrifying thing I’ve experienced (yes I’ve also had my heart broken). You almost feel violated in a way, yes men may say, we exaggerate “these things” because for them (Or at least most of them) all it takes is a few shots of something strong a one look at the next girl to forget about their last. Women on the other hand hang on to every little detail, every memeory and every word he/she ever said to you. We usually turn to emotional eating for comfort and those with guts turn to revenge (not a good idea).

Here’s what some experts say are good way of dealing with heartbreak:

  • Stop calling: One of the worst things you can do when getting over a break up is constantly calling your ex. The only thing this can do is to annoy your ex. It doesn’t matter how strong the need to talk to your ex is. You must always remember that you both need space. And calling them all the time will not help.  What if you suddenly become very emotional and say the wrong things? That could be disastrous.
  • Give your ex space: It’s important for you to give your ex space. Just because you’re miles away from each other doesn’t mean you don’t need to give your ex space. It’s not about physical distance. You have to leave your ex be.
  • Ask your friends for help: There is no problem you can’t solve with the help of friends. Your friends can do a lot for you. If you’re hurting and don’t know what to do, turn to your friends for advice. You will be surprised at how much ways your friends can make you feel better. Dealing with heartbreak will be a lot easier with the help of friends.
  • Desperate to win your partner back but they just don’t want     to  listen? I’m about to reveal a solution that is   revolutionary    and  groundbreaking.. if you’re still in love with your   ex, it’s time   to   stop wallowing in your misery and actually DO   something about it.     Especially if your partner is seeing someone else   or completely  ignoring    you!..
  • Get out!
    Don’t forget to utilize your friends as “take me out” resources. Know when to make the call and say I need to get out of the house or let’s go out to dinner. My friends were instrumental in my survival (even if they contributed to a few hangovers in the process). They listened and fed me plenty of chocolate chip cookie dough (straight from the package) – at least for a little while. It may not sound possible, but a chick flick matinee can make all the difference in the world when you’re downtrodden. Even if it makes you cry, at least you’re letting it out – and there’s somebody there who understands. Since heartbreak happens, you’ll most likely be able to return the favor sometime. Plus, hopefully, your friends offer voices of reason when your inner voice is unreasonable. That said, try to remember the next tip…
  • Stop over-analyzing
    We women often feel the need to have answers. The problem is, we look for them outside of ourselves. You can analyze your relationship (and your break up and your ex) until the cows come home, but your ex is not going to follow – or at least you can’t make him follow by thinking about it.Consider this: If you suddenly knew that your ex had been holding a candle for his old girlfriend or that he truly needed to focus on his career before he could focus on a relationship, would you feel any better? Probably not – and you might feel worse! Break ups hurt for a variety of reasons, but most of the really bad stuff (you know, the kind where you, twenty Marlboro Lights and a bottle of vodka get together and wallow – every night) comes from ego. The hardest thing to learn is that in most cases (cheating and abuse don’t fall into this category for obvious reasons), the break up has nothing to do with the person being broken up with and everything to do with the person doing the breaking up.
  • In short, most times, there was nothing you could have done differently. And if there was, it’s not like you can jump in your magic time machine to change it. So stop mulling it over and over again in your mind. Take as long as you need to mourn – a loss deserves mourning. But asking yourself (or worse, your ex) why, why, why isn’t going to do you any good. If anything, it’s going to make you take longer to heal – and drive you crazy in the meantime! I did that. It’s not fun!
  • Take care of you
    Okay, so that cigarettes and vodka and cookie dough thing… it’s good maybe for a little while. Everyone needs to indulge themselves now and again – particularly in the face of heartbreak. But ultimately, the best way to take care of you is to really take care of you. Eat right, exercise, have a massage or a mani/pedi. It’s kind of like you’re tricking yourself – by looking good you’ll start to feel good. You’ll want to get out more, you’ll stop thinking about what you’re missing and instead become mindful of what you’ve got to offer.
  • Extended gluttony will do only one thing: make you dislike yourself. This is exactly the opposite of where you need to be post-break up. Make this your time to do the things you weren’t doing because your relationship was a priority. Take a class, get a hobby or travel. Do whatever you’ve always wanted to do. You may find, as I did, that you get over the pain of the break up – and discover a whole new side of yourself in the process.
  • The upside of any downtime is that ultimately, you’ll come out of it a stronger and more fully formed person. Your next relationship (and you will have one) will most certainly not be the same, but it can be better – I learned that lesson first hand too.
  • Get Rid of His Belongings: Removing all those mementos that would remind you of him will help begging the healing process. So make sure you get rid of get rid of EVERYTHING. If you can’t bring yourself to getting rid of those photos, his comfy sweatshirt, and presents he gave you,  at least store it in a box and tuck it away where it’s not easily accessible or visible (like the top of your closet or in the garage). You need to free your mind from everything that reminds you of your ex because it would help you to move on a lot.

My personal recipe of dealing with heartbreak is still the good old “ice-cream tub method” and a selected few of Beyonce’s songs. (If you are going through a heartbreak now, the best song to listen to is “Best thing I never had”-Bey…you’ll feel a lot better, even if it’s just for a while).

Good luck nursing those broken hearts!!!


From your girl Allegro Dinkwanyane- “I’m just saying”, so have your say…




I’m a passionate writer, who enjoys writing and informing people as well as learning new things. I love sports, the arts and music. I am a sports presenter of UJfm 95.4 as well as other things. Simply put, I am a dynamic young lady who wants to bring about chnage and have an impact in both the media industry and in people’s lives.

Allegro – who has written posts on Farai Today.

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  • Bianca Delport

    Such good advice.  Now only to get myself to feel better.