Being KHANYI MBAU vs. PRIMROSE CROUS! – “For him and his white friends, dating BLACK WOMEN was a status symbol”
I am SO not into tabloidy stuff but this recent article in the South African Sowetan caught my attention… there was something instructive about it [in a subliminal kind way]! Especially since it pertained us girls…Black girls that is.
So off the bat, I am not here to talk about one of South Africa’s top socialites, KHANYI MBAU or her nemesis at this point, PRIMROSE CROUS. I do remember though, during my vacay back home, driving past Khanyi Mbau in her infamous drop-top Yellow Lamborghini, hair/weave blowing in the wind, on my way to Sandton [don't ask, I just know people, who know people]…anyway I digress!
Khanyi Mbau (l) & Primrose Crous (r) in friendlier times? – former girlfriends, BFF’s?
So what caught my eye with this whole drama (and it is alot of drama! Trust!) was the statement the man caught in the middle made! Ok, so let me first paint the picture for you…
Mrs. Primrose Crous (mom of 2, model, & businesswoman) – the wife
Mr. & Mrs. Theunis Crous (note his hand on her) – the married couple
The Crous Entourage (the cutest babies!) – the family
…and Khanyi Mbau (the self-proclaimed “Queen of Bling”herself) - – the jumpoff (allegedly)
But we are so not here to talk about the scandal as reported in the Sowetan!
So not! *rolling my eyes* Coz never mind the black Lamborghini which Theunis bought Khanyi last year complete with personalised number plates but later took back when his wife, Primrose found out about their “romantic liaison”! Only to replace the Lamborghini with a BMW Z4 a few months ago! Or the R10,000 rent payments made for Khanyi’s upmarket crib in Hyde Park.
I do not condone adultery. It is not cool and most importantly, for me & my beliefs, the Bible outlaws it. However, they are adults & I am pretty confident that they can handle this matter…civilly & privately.
What I did find fascinating was that according to the Sowetan, Theunis Crous, a 51 year old White South African who owns a Walmer-based Ho Hup Construction Company with his wife, Primrose, said for him and his white friends [presumably in South Africa], dating Black women was a status symbol.
“When you are my age, dating a black young woman like Khanyi is a thrill. When we were growing up, having an affair with a black girl was forbidden. We loved them but we could not date them.”
Very insightful statement especially in post apartheid South Africa. As you know, race relations in South Africa are so complex and deeply rooted given the country’s checkered racial history. However space & time does not permit a revisit of South Africa’s history.
I did want to deconstruct the statement “dating Black women was a status symbol” in order to allow for an environment conducive enough for us to discuss the matter of race & dating in new South Africa. I wanted to delve deeper to ascertain what that meant for Black girls on the continent & in the diaspora, if at all!
Certainly, if that’s the case then this broadens the dating pool for both Black’s & White’s in South Africa. At least for those that date outside of their race.
However, I am not entirely comfortable with the “status symbol” aspect of Theunis’ contention on us Black girls. Far be it from me to deny Theunis or for that matter, any White South African male their “primordial impulses” that drive their selection of their women. But just race as a status symbol? Seriously? That’s almost like a repackaging of the old formula. What happened to attributes such as values, belief systems, those intangibles that transcend race. Again, I am well aware that men are visual, so I am not saying ignore completely the physical!
While it is fun to know that Black girls are the new Black! Yayee, but what does that really mean for us? I really have no problems with interracial dating, been there, done that myself. However, there has to be more…for both sides. Otherwise, both sides are settling, one for race & the other for being a status symbol [and that gets boring after a while. Trust!]. And when the love boat is rocked, then a scandal of the above proportion erupts! Not pretty, especially if hearts & children are involved.
If this means that the dating dating scene has been reduced to a mere “status symbol”, then I am pretty sure, alot of us Black girls are not with that type of swagger! Rich White guy or not [I can just hear my BFF saying to me, Fa show me a millionaire & I will show you one happy chic *side eyes* to her!]
The swagger that I believe in, at least in terms of race & dating, goes beyond “dating Black women as a status symbol”. It is the type of swagger that affirms beyond your race, that you are beautiful, intelligent and wonderful and that you are worth fighting for [note that Primrose]. That you are worth more than being just a jumpoff [note that Khanyi]! That you look for a woman beyond her race as a “status symbol” and in marriage, you commit to her “til death do we part” [note that Theunis]
That is the swagger I can believe in!
Guys & dolls, please leave your comments below!
Heart ya for it!
ps…you have to agree that African girls are hot! Just sayin’
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20 Responses to “Being KHANYI MBAU vs. PRIMROSE CROUS! – “For him and his white friends, dating BLACK WOMEN was a status symbol””
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Copyright © 2010 Farai Today
….I think the same game is played on both sides…white guys dating black girls, black guys going for white chics….it’s something forbiden, exciting! It’s all about the rush…..but then when it turns into marriage and a family,they’re in way over their heads coz it just didn’t start out that way…I could go on now about the mixed race kids they create that they don’t know what to do with, but we’ll leave that for another conversation when we bring out the hard stuff!
Madam, Madam firstly allow me………Lmao at Khanyi Mbau, kwa kwa kwa!
On a seriouse not thore Khanyi has done alot of ugly things but in my opinion this is the lowest of them all (sis, nxaaaaa). Everything that is happening to her right now, all the bad energy and karmaa in her life, she single handedly planted it and as the saying goes you reap what you sore.
Its cleary understood that she wants to be a trophy wife and be taken care off but honey there is a smart way of doing things, you can get a rich man and keep him and live the high life without all this drama. Finaly it Seems like all her man are figuring her out and its aonly a shame that she might end up being left dry and tastless, cause all these man are not stupid but just like she thinks shes using them, they are using her in a big way.
Keep the “Mgosi” coming dear and im sending positive energy your way and by the way the world needs more You and less of that hmmm whats her name, yes Khanyi something!
mncwaaaaa
Hi Zed,
Gracias senorita on your comments! Listen doll, I know you are an expert on the mixed race kids…the floor is yours! Take it and run with it!
Farai
The young upwardly-mobile black woman is the person to be right now in South Africa so im not surprised dude says it’s status symbol to attach yourself to one… I don’t think South Africa can get away from racial profiling for a while – I mean, every official form you sign requests that you state your race and possibly your language group ‘for statistical purposes’ – so that’s a part of SA life for now.
Based on the country’s demographic of a huge black majority vs a decidedly small group or whites in comparison, white people hooking up with blacks should be a whole lot more prevalent, but folks just don’t mix. It’s a legacy of the system of having forcibly moved the colour groups waaaaay far apart and somehow we’ve kept it that way even though the laws that enforced the separation are no longer in effect.
As for men cheating, and women ’stealing’ other women’s husbands, well, the first is kind of too prevalent to even discuss in any great detail and the second is a non-issue as we all know it’s men who pursue, uncoerced.
In Nigeria, dating outside of “home” (one’s local area, tribe, or country) is discouraged but strangely, it’s often seen as a status symbol to bring home a white woman, or a woman from “abroad,” especially if she is American or British.
Initially Theunis’ statement that dating Black women is a status symbol seems to represent a REVERSAL of the subtle global hierarchy “white over black”, which is GREAT (assuming the reversal is not so great that an opposite hierarchy is created).
However, after reading this again the situation appeals to me on Theunis’ individual level. I see a man so insecure that even with all his great wealth he feels he must take a professional photograph with his hand possessively cupped over his wife’s (his Queen’s) bottom, and seek further validation in an extramarital affair.
It strikes me then that, like many men of great power and little self-worth, Theunis may be just saying this in the hopes that you will believe it and thus hold him in higher regard for it.
At any rate I agree that at the end of the day, a man should quench his thirst not in possession or the status of his woman’s race but in the soul of his woman.
Ngo
Kanyi Mbau (I had never thought I could even take time to discuss this woman) and the ilk of Theunis simply sicken me. Using others for status or for material gain is just not on.
Just to step back a little coz Im truly not familiar with these characters – what nationality/race is the Mrs?
She certainly looks black to me or not white. Why does he then justify his affair with Kanyi on racial lines?
There are many people in SA who cross racial lines when it comes to relationships – for genuine reasons I would believe.
Crous & Mbau belong to the lowest form of human species and it has nothing to do with the colour of their skin.
He wanted fame (how else would we be talking about him if it werent for Ms Take personified) and she wants money. I doubt he has that much of it either – he looks too phony – just like Mbau’s previous sugar daddy!
A pair made for…tabloids
These people are all too tacky for speech. Women fighting over a man – and doing it in the press? I shudder!
This is to Zanele,
That last statement on your comment, makes me shudder, “I could go on now about the mixed race kids that they create and they dont know what to do with”. I am in a mixed relationship, and I have mixed kids, that I definately know what to do with, and that is to love and nurture them like any normal loving parent would do. I dont know what else you do with kids, black, white, mixed, I just find your comment a bit shallow, had to get that off my chest. Thanks
Hi Susan,
Thanks for your comments! Just so that you are aware, Zanele is actually biracial/mixed herself. So her comments come from a deeply personal place but I will allow her to speak for herself and clarify her comments.
You are absolutely right that love and nurture any child, Black, White or mixed. My nieces and nephews are biracial & multi-national…
I think the issue though was the fascination Black/White men have with women of the opposite race without taking into full consideration the consequences of their “fleeting” fascination! Marriage and children go beyond this fascination!
I look forward to both you and Zanele’s discussion & candor on this issue…
Gracias Susan,
Farai
This just reminded me of Twitter a couple of days ago when @DenyceLawton posed the question of inter-racial relationships, ie do white guys treat black women better/black men treat white women better..etc..amazing what so people were saying in response to it all, a few got virutal slaps from me..lol.and though I’m not in any inter-racial relationship, I have a brother in one, cousins in them too..my point being we look beyond the colour of their partners but who they are, how they are..so I’m sooo mad this man whatever his name is says dating a black woman gives him status!! Like seriously?Not who she is, what she has achieved nooo but her being ‘a black woman’..pfutsek!(sorry Farai for cussing but m really fired up!)
@Susan:
I interpreted Zanele’s statement to mean that people who marry for the excitement rather than the devotion lack the depth in their relationship that a healthy lasting marriage requires. I took it that Zanele wonders how such a weakly-bonded pair could ever properly raise any children, much less bi-racial children who may need extra guidance regarding their identities.
I did not interpret Zanele’s statement to mean that bi-racial couples dont know how to raise their children.
I look forward to finding out both your and Zanele’s takes on my interpretation.
Cheers,
Ngo
Okay, this is getting interesting! Ngo, Farai, you read me correctly. Susan, I am not suggesting in any way that mixed race couples don’t know what to do with their children. But I do believe in many cases mixed couples do overlook the complexities of rasing a mixed race, cross cultural child. A strong, well intentioned couple will discover this as they go along and do their best to accomodate and address these issues as they arise. But what hope do you have for families like the Crouses? When the prize is won and the game is over what you have left are children who are caught in between without the extra stabilty needed to guide them through all the identity issues they’ll endure growing up.
Farai, you’re absolutely right. This all comes from a deeply personal place. While I was loved and nurtured to death by both of my parents, I can’t say enough about never being ‘enough’ as a mixed race person.
Z
Firstly, I don’t really care that they had an affair. Affairs happen time and time again…I also don’t care that he said he prefers dating black girls. I don’t have any issues with it because if he’s expressing a preference, so be it. Anyway, I don’t rate the three of them, so I don’t particularly feel like my conviction in a respected person has been shaken.
What I did think about when I looked at the pictures was how white these two girls looked. They are so whited out in professional photographs with make up and sharp lighting that you can hardly tell if they’re black or not. The hair extensions, the small button noses. There is nothing to assign an ethnicity to Primrose. Khanyi, well, all you can say is that she ain’t gonna age well. A white girl with a tan could be called black by this standard. Theunis in fact loves dating black girls that for all intents and purposes are definitely all white on the inside and in their weaves. Seriously? Seriously. This man found his little bit of contrived exotica.
The only lesson one could take from this is that women were opressed for such a long time that generations after, we’re still trying to respect ourselves. Respecting yourself in our patriarchal society is a journey. You may say you do, but how many times do you compromise yourself? Anyway, mine’s been a long journey that I had to get through with my Mother, and we’re both stronger for it. Teach your daughters to respect themselves and they won’t end up as Primrose or Khanyi.
Hi Sally,
You raise some salient points in your comment!
However I have to say that we do have Africans girls that are fair skinned now! And I am not sure about your statement “There is nothing to assign an ethnicity to Primrose. Khanyi,” can you school me on this because that is where I think stereotypes arise from. Not all of us fit nice and neatly into any one particular ethnic group due to our physical make-up – I for one can attest to that. My huge thick lips belong to NO ONE PARTICULAR ethnic group! A strong family trait and my family lineage is a rich one made up on XHOSA genes (South Africa), SENNA genes (Mozambique) and SHONA genes (Zimbabwe). So we cannot ascribe this to anyone of those ethnic groups!
I do however get PEEVED as the constant photoshopping that most publications (and it seems quite a bit from Africa) do on these girls…fair skinned or dark skinned, we should celebrate our AFRICAN-NESS!
Cheers, & gracias for your comment!
Farai
Wow! Was not familiar with these culprits prior to reading this. Just drama, drama, drama! I honestly don’t think anybody should take Theunis Crous’ comments seriously. He doesn’t strike me as a reputable and highly-regarded man. He is obviously not respectable, you can tell by the things he says and the type of drama he engulfed himself into. Whatever reasons he is with these women for, couldn’t be the right one to begin with… all I got from this article is that he’s treating them like toys. If he really thought they were symbolizing some type of status, I imagine he would at least regard his wife more highly. It just seems disgraceful to me.
I had so much to say but most of it has been said by others. Now I will just go and google these characters because I am not familiar with them at all (and I thought I was on top of umgosi!)
I would like to say though, that I absolutely get where Zanele is coming from. My best friend is mixed and she was a result of an ill thought out liaison. She is a strong person because no one has to endure what she endured just because folks made decisions they were not ready to contend with. How do you decided to place a child in an orphanage because ‘people will talk’ when you are both living and breathing??! It gets me all the time. She just smiles and pats my back.
I so despise this adulteress.And I don’t understand why Khanyi promotes fornication.Maybe nobody has ever told her how she really looks – she’s fake with short teeth.She’s a real b….men pay for her sexual service.It’s a disgrace,Mr Crous.
Kanyi has sold herself to the devil for money, it’s so pathetic. She washes herself with water and chameleon skin. I have no right to judge but it sounds like she is a satanist to me. She took Mandla from his beautiful natural wife and now she is gunning for Primrose’s husband. You have no shame Kanyi!!!!!I would like to see the woman who raised you….
khanyi respect people’s things.dont sell urself for a high life,u acceptable grow urself in a good manner for ur child’s respect!
khanyi i love you and i always defend you to my peers. gal this time the is so much at stake.The man is married and hv children.back away abit to gv them tym to sort out things.when de children grow they will blame you for breaking up their family